![when you dismiss family and your the negative nancy when you dismiss family and your the negative nancy](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d6/c5/ba/d6c5ba2263a987987ce9ea10a9c15a5e.jpg)
Humans wouldn’t have survived for very long in a world of lions, tigers and bears if emotions like fear and outrage didn’t exist. Adherents of toxic positivity treat negative emotions as inherently bad, which, evolutionarily speaking, is BS.
![when you dismiss family and your the negative nancy when you dismiss family and your the negative nancy](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/3f/d7/b7/3fd7b74ae8a664c0756aec76d83865dc.jpg)
Giving yourself permission to feel matters. You have the right to feel your feelings. I want to say that again because it’s so vital: Please adopt this boundary and hold fast to it - you have the absolute right to and ownership of your feelings. Positivity becomes toxic when it denies your reality. Then, they invalidate your needs and make you feel like a guilt-ridden failure for taking an antidepressant or using a cane or walker instead of merely smiling more or exercising your legs. The problem comes in when outsiders look at your situation and determine your attitude creates your issues without knowing all the facts. Looking on the bright side and taking positive actions does improve health outcomes.
![when you dismiss family and your the negative nancy when you dismiss family and your the negative nancy](https://i0.wp.com/nancyspoint.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Still-NED.jpg)
We have to be if we hope to keep going when doctors utter dire pronouncements like, “no known cure.” Spoonies are among the most optimistic people in the world. Positive thinking is a glorious, necessary thing, especially for those of us with chronic health conditions. Please don’t mistake my intent for wanting to be a negative Nancy. Instead, when supporting a friend or giving well-meaning advice, strive to be validating and kind. That’s why I would like to see an end to the doctrine of “ just think positive, and everything will be OK.” Experience teaches us it isn’t always true. Furthermore, if you have a mental illness related to trauma, you might dwell in such a negative system that telling you to “just cheer up” can sound synonymous with “just grow a new set of legs.” Your mindset does not change that quickly after a lifetime of emotional abuse, especially when society echoes many of the toxic messages you learned as a child. However, believing you can magically think yourself well can complicate your recovery when you feel pressured to deny your reality and pretend you’ve improved when your body aches like a truck ran over it. If you are a fellow spoonie, no doubt you have heard your share of advice to “just think positive.” Such advice is well-meant, and science does indicate optimistic attitudes improve health outcomes. I also deem it kind because toxic positivity is anything but nice. Why am I confessing all of this to you now? One, it is true, and I feel it is necessary because I value transparency and honesty. It’s not to make people feel worse if certain methods fail them.Īs such, I want to emphasize the positive in my work, but I also want to keep it real. My mission is to present science-based information through the lens of someone who is also a patient, not an impartial clinician in a lab coat. Here’s the thing, folks - there are infinite variations in the human body, and while certain allopathic and holistic approaches may work for some, they don’t work for everybody. That said, I never want to give people the impression that I’m some genius guru or that the methods that help me manage my conditions will work for everyone. If I can share useful information and techniques that help people ease their physical and mental pain, my mission on Earth is complete. I do what I do because I have struggled, and I want to spare others similar misery. As a health blogger and guide, I walk a fine line. I have to start this post with a confession of sorts, dear readers.